When I hit my mid-30s, I thought I’d have it all figured out—career, relationship, maybe even marriage and kids. But here I am, still navigating some big questions, especially around marriage. If you’re in the same boat, let me assure you: you’re not alone. Let’s talk about those feelings, fears, and uncertainties we don’t always voice.

My Relationship Journey

I’ve been in a relationship since 2021, with some history before that—on and off since 2018. Like any couple, we’ve had our challenges. At times, I was ready to walk away.

Fast forward to today: we’ve moved to Hawaii together and we have an amazing dog. We’ve grown so much individually and as a couple. But there’s one big thing I can’t seem to reconcile—I just don’t see myself getting married.

Why Marriage Feels Complicated

Marriage, for me, is tied up with so many emotions and past experiences. Growing up in a family shaped by divorce and infidelity, I’ve always questioned whether marriage is something I truly want. Is it even necessary?

When I think about marriage, I feel torn. On one hand, I love my partner deeply and appreciate the stability we’ve built. On the other, I worry about committing to something that doesn’t feel essential to me.

And then there’s the guilt: Am I holding him back if he does want marriage? Am I selfish for questioning something that seems so important to so many people?

· Past emotions and experiences

· Family emotions and experiences

· Guilt

· Someone else is a better fit for him.

· Is something wrong with me for not wanting this?

· Am I more afraid of planning and executing a wedding than I am getting married?

· I don’t know about kids, but I am 35. This may be my only chance. Am I shutting down that I would want marriage for the wrong reason.

Working Through the Uncertainty

If you’re feeling the same way, here are some things I’ve been doing to work through my emotions:

1. Reflecting on What Marriage Means to Me

I’ve spent time journaling and asking myself tough questions:

Is my hesitation about marriage rooted in fear or genuine disinterest?
What does commitment look like to me, if not through marriage?

2. Honest Conversations With My Partner

We’ve talked openly about our hopes and expectations for the future. He knows where I stand, and I’ve made space to hear his perspective. It’s not always easy, but it’s essential.

3. Releasing the Pressure to Decide Now

One thing I’ve realized? I don’t need all the answers today. It’s okay to let these feelings evolve over time.

4. Exploring the Idea of Children

Marriage and children often go hand in hand, but they don’t have to. I’m still figuring out whether children are part of the life I want. Taking this one step at a time feels less overwhelming.

Are You Holding Someone Back?

This question weighs heavily on me. I love my partner and want him to feel fulfilled in our relationship. But I’ve also come to understand that I’m not doing either of us any favors by ignoring my truth.

If he needs marriage to feel complete, we may have to face some tough choices. But for now, our open communication and mutual respect keep us aligned as we figure things out together.

Finding Clarity in the Present

Here’s what I’ve learned: it’s okay to not have all the answers. Life doesn’t come with a roadmap, and relationships aren’t one-size-fits-all. What matters most is building a partnership that works for you.

For now, I’m focused on what we have today—love, growth, and shared dreams. Whether marriage is in the cards or not, I’m learning to embrace the journey, even when it feels uncertain.

do i wan to get married. questioning my relationship

Pin This Post If You’re:

Feeling unsure about marriage or your relationship future
Navigating the balance between love and personal goals
Looking for permission to not have all the answers

Marriage May Not be for me.